THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE GRASSHOPPER

THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE GRASSHOPPER
Aka
THE GRASSHOPPER,THE OTHER GRASSHOPPER AND THE WOLF
Aka
TWO GRASSHOPPERS AND A WOLF
Aka
SOMETIME IN THE MIDDLE OF AUGUST
A play

LIST OF CHARACTERS AND PROPS
The Narrator (N)
The Boy (B)
B&W picture of the boy’s grand uncle
Diary of the grand uncle
The grasshopper (G1)
The other grasshopper (G2)
The wolf (W)
The wolf pack (can be shown in the background, or done in graphics)
THE ACTUAL PLAYS BEGINS FROM HERE
N: “Here!”
(Members of the audience maintain appreciable silence, one man in the right corner is munching tapioca chips at the same time reading a book titled ‘Manners and Etiquette in the 21th Century: A Guide’)
N: “Here!”
(The writer of the play is perplexed as he watches it from the front row, to hide his nervousness he smiles brightly)
N: “Brothers and Sisters, Playwrights, Copywriters and Nude Models, today being the Sunday of our interest; we the Shake Some Pears Playhouse are proud to present our new play so mysteriously named ‘The Grasshopper and…the Grasshopper!!’
(Man munches chips)
The stage dims and the curtains are brought down; stage men frantically bring out the only furniture required for the play, a chair. Lights fill stage, the boy is under the chair; there is nobody on it
B: “I’ve found it!”
The boy pretends to be under a treacherous ravine in the Australian outback, the boy also pretends to be an archaeologist, and the only thing real about the scene is the diary in his hand.
B: “I have found the diary of my grand Uncle! See it even has his picture”
The Stage dims, the boy is asked to leave the stage so that the narrator can continue; but the boy is so enamored by theatre that he refuses to budge; finally his real mother drags him out. All this happens in the darkness
Light fills the stage again.
N: the diary of the grand uncle was not a myth constructed by old leaking men to pass the time; it was very much there for the boy to find. It was the boy’s destiny to find the diary of the grand uncle and he had done so. Such is life, but the most perplexing thing that was to happen when the boy finally read the diary of the grand uncle. The diary of the grand uncle was like any other diary, it was not filled in everyday but on certain important dates when the grand uncle made some kind of progress in his romantic life; typical entries would be as follows
“Today the 16th of December, 1867. Clarice is married off to some roguish nobleman from Italy that leaves me with no other option but Clarice’s sister Eve.”
Or something like this
“Today the 16th of December, 1868. Eve is married off to the same roguish nobleman from Italy after Clarice dies under mysterious circumstances, which leaves me with no other option. Maybe I should go west.”
“Today the 16th of December, 1869. I am currently in San Francisco; there is no more west to go.”
As I said, it is quite an ordinary diary if you don’t consider the writing in green. A curious little conversation between three animals or to be more specific two members of the insect family and one animal; no one knows how this was written or it is the Grand Uncle himself who had jotted down the conversation during his endless travels. Apart from all this the most baffling thing about the conversation was why it was written in green ink, a question that has stood the test of time.
G1: Here!
G2: Where?
G1: There was once a boy who lived on the hill, not far from here….
G2: Wait! What is this?
G1: A story, he never went to school but then he became a teacher….
G2: I never asked you for a story, never did, never have
G1: There is no rule that a narration should begin only when initiated by the listener
G2: But then, I don’t want to listen to a story…
G1: I don’t care. He became an inspiring teacher and told many amazing tales concerning the bravery of the sailors in the South Seas….
G2: OK, what did the sixty two year old rock star do when he was ousted from his band?
G1: Wait, what are you doing?
G2: I just made up a joke
G1: You are interrupting my story don’t you see?
G2: I don’t care about the story, so I needed to pass the time; so I made up the joke
G1: That’s not the point, you interrupted my story
G2: It’s ok, at least complete my joke. Its smaller than you story
G1 (reluctantly): OK what’s the question?
G2: OK, what did the sixty two year old rock star do when he was ousted from his band?
G1: Uh..um..wait..i think I know this one…um..give me a minute…there in my head but just can’t say it.
G2 smiles and whistles, but not at the same time
G2: One minute over, sir
G1: Ok, go on. It’s nothing anyway.
G2: what did the sixty two year old rock star do when he was ousted from his band?
He bought himself a rocking chair to keep him warm.
G1: That’s not a joke by any standards, that’s the worst thing I have ever heard in my life
G2: Brother we are grasshoppers, we do not have standards.
G1: yes we do, we also have a consumer court and a broadcasting corporation and primary health centers and a games village……(G1 then lists down the achievements of the grasshopping empire)
A wolf nearby, until then was sleeping quite peacefully, predictably the wolf being the wolf got irritated and uttered one of the two dialogues written down for him.
W: Grrrrrrr!!Wooof! stop it you pests! Wooof!
G1&G2 : We are not pests, we are grasshoppers
W: Woof! No peace in this world, can’t a wolf get his sleep
Curtains come down slowly, as the narrator walks in briskly with his nervous smile and bows towards the audience, amidst clapping here and there; there is nothing much to say.
The man finishes reading the book and his chip pack at the same time, throws them onto the stage and walks out feeling cheated.

THE END
CURTAIN
SILENCE

MUTE ELEPHANTS

MUTE ELEPHANTS
The writer slept thoughless, the white comfort of the bed spreads kept him from getting up. Unfinished episodes of an epic lay opened on his processor, past the due date. Suddenly the familiar noise of his ringtone reached his almost dead ears.
“Dude, it’s past noon. Where are the lines?” the voice identified to be of the assistant
“Huh? See it’s tough, I simply can’t get lines for the scene, but I have some suggestions”
The assistant now “You said these were best scenes written only yesterday…” the things people say to make a living.
“I mean there is something fundamentally wrong with the scene; you see elephants don’t go and form armies”
“Dude, this is the future; when elephants can talk, they have a right to form armies and that’s how it’s in the book”
“My point exactly, even in the future elephants are most unlikely to talk; we really have to chop that thing down here or we have to do with mute elephants”
“Mute Elephants! You must be joking, the USP of the film is a talking elephant, now you are writer think of something or be sacked” the assistant said.
The writer looks up at the ceiling, thinking if there was anything that could strike his head and get him killed, then something struck.
The writer said “So basically, the elephants are chased by aliens who come to earth in search of ivory and all of a sudden they elephants realize they can speak, is that it?”
“Yeah, and then they reach the end of land and there is this sea from then on, we need some line there, it should hold the episode together, something dramatic”
The writer imagines the unimaginable an elephant talking to the last of their tribe, in that moment of desperation what will it say? Then it came to him.
“We are going to need a bigger boat” he blurts into the microphone, suddenly he feels excited as if he had written the catch
There was silence for a moment on the other end, the writer thought that the assistant too might too impressed
Then came the words “Boss said you were an original thinker” and the line went dead.
"Hello?Hello" the writer kept repeating without realizing that was the end.